Steal my Joy

Take a breath.

Take a breath and catch what’s thrown at you.

That’s what kept circling my head when I stood alone in the shadows surrounding the spotlight. The shadows I’m a part of. The shadows that are my home.

I could call myself brave but that would be a lie. I’ve never been courageous; I’ve always had a liquid centre. I just didn’t know it until the time came for me to stand up tall and instead, I cowered.

There are things a person is entitled to, things they earn, things they deserve but that doesn’t mean they get them. Not unless they take them.

For days I’ve been trying to find the strength to do what I need to do. For days I’ve been crying while I search. Turns out, it’s hard to find. Being a woman makes me strong, until the person I have to face off against is female too. Standing toe to toe, where did our girl power go? Where did our female solidarity go? Why isn’t she strengthening my spine instead of taking a mallet to it.

She smiles as she beats me down. She laughs as I cry. She calls me babe to my face but bitch behind my back. She tears into me and steals what’s mine because she has the power I don’t have. She hides an acid soul but calls it honest, when lack of compassion is what makes her enjoy my stress. Why is it this way? Why does she mistakenly believe that by weakening me, she grows stronger?

Why don’t I fight back?

Where is my courage?

Take a breath.

Take a breath and catch what’s thrown at you. The ball is in your garden. The ball is inside your white knuckled grip. Don’t let another woman steal it

No woman deserves to thieve your happiness and call you sensitive. No woman deserves to thieve your happiness and call you weak. No woman deserves to thieve your happiness. You are worth more than that.