Blue Skies, Black Mood

Without going into details, let's just say some problems have occurred at work. I'm in a situation where I need to fight for my basic entitlements of the workplace. The problem is I'm no warrior.

I'm always a person who shies away from confrontation, but unfortunately, in this instance it's not an option for me and it feels like I'm waging war.

Because it goes against the sense of peace, I need to be content in life, and because my workplace is becoming an intolerable environment to be in every day, it has stirred up a lot of issues with anxiety and depression.

This last week has been one of the hardest of my life. I've cried every time I've been alone and had free reign for my thoughts to wander, because my mind has only one destination, and it's the issue at work. I dread bedtime because that's when the anxiety comes creeping through my chest. I'm not in financial stability to just leave, and there's no support for those of us who are denied our basic employment rights. Companies like ACAS have given advice, but the first step, the waging of war, is down to me, and in a small company that's hard to do. I called Citizen's Advice Bureau, but after being told there was no support for me to leave the job, I couldn't talk for crying. The guy I was talking to couldn't get me off the phone quickly enough.

ACAS, CAB, DWP have all been very sympathetic to my plight, but inevitably it stands that to get what I'm entitled to, I have to do it alone.

But how does a person averse to confrontation do it?

Well, this I don't know. I can stand up for others against any foe, but it seems that for myself, I haven't found the courage.

I guess I'll have to dig deep and see what I have inside of me. I hope there isn't only cowardice there.